I hate April.
Because it all starts in April.
In April my mind starts with the memories. The "this time x years ago". This year the x stand stand for three. Three seems harder than two for some reason. Maybe its because Jasmine turned three just eight days before Lucy was born. It makes it seem like so much longer than three years.
Sometimes it feels like it all never really happened. Like it was all just a really bad dream and I was just someone on the outside looking in at it all.
I some ways I wish that were the truth. That is was all just a really bad dream that I'm still yet to wake up from. I knows its not though and all this pain and hurt is just something I have going to have to deal with for the rest of my life.
The only think I like about April is the fact that the Royal Children's Hospital's Good Friday Appeal always falls near Zac's birthday. The year he was born it was just before, this year its after.
Each year when we give to the Appeal it is for Zac. We can't give him a birthday present but at least we can give this.
This year is a special one. Yarra Trams had 80 spots available for people to put their face on a tram in support of the Appeal. I cost $250, all of which goes to the Appeal. I sent in Zac's picture and was lucky enough to be one of the first 80!! I think its pretty awesome. We should find out soon which tram and route it will be on. Personally, I would like it to be on a tram that runs past the Royal Children's Hospital or even the one that runs into North Balywn, right near where Rodger and I met. I think either option would be perfect and might just make April that little bit easier this year.